Blogpost 8: Anorexia Nervosa

Sometimes we become so comfortable with our friends and loved ones that we show them who we are all. We speak our minds anytime we want because they accept our bluntness. We think that it's okay to be straight forward and to be as honest as possible. What we don't realize is that sometimes we are unintentionally hurting them. "Fatty" is a name we would usually say comfortably with our friends. However, that label actually becomes unforgettable to some people. It will keep replaying in their minds like a broken record and they will start to assess themselves; their appearance and self image. 
Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder that makes a person regulate their eating habits to the extreme because they fear gaining more weight. They tend to limit themselves or even deny food because they have already distorted their image. In an article by Dr.Alex Yellowlees, Is our obsession with size zero damaging health?, he states that: "In our modern society the relentless promotion of the idealisation of thinness has put women of all ages under intense pressure to strive after the attainment of body perfection." Women today can look everywhere and begin to envy other women's bodies because we all strive for a sort of image that many celebrities have. The word "celebrity" comes with fame, fortune and success; what woman doesn't want that. People don't necessarily want to become a celebrity, they just want what comes with the package. We begin to look up to role models we believe are "perfect" and ruin our self esteems without realizing it. Before we know it, we are already consuming less food, throwing it up or not eating at all; and still we think we are still "fat". This obsession with beauty and being perfect has distorted our minds resulting in harming ourselves to the extremes.
In an article by a daily mail reporter, "'Pro-ana Anorexia blogs nearly killed me': Starving girl, 17, says 'thinspiration' site encouraged her to lose more weight". It is evident from the title alone that this girl, Grainne Binns harmed herself because of this new idea of beauty. It is stated in the article that she was so obsessed with the word "skinny" that she began to put herself in this situation just to hear it from people as well. She also posted pictures in forums to hear comments from people to encourage her with the challenges to become even thinner.
I read in another article that this "pro-ana" has a sort of "cult-like" appeal. Girls believe that "Ana", which short for Anorexia is some sort of god that pushes them to believe that being thin is more beautiful. However, this "god" is actually  helping them kill themselves slowly, and at the same time making them feel guilty that they are not thin enough.

Imagine your sisters or friends in this situation, how would you be able to help them if society has made this image acceptable? 
Runway models especially are one to push this idea of beauty, so how can we believe that this isn't beautiful? Social media has distorted our ideas of beauty to the point where they are not aware that they are actually harming us. We aren't even sure what to want anymore. Do we want big hips with the hourglass figure or this thin, stick-like figure? Regardless of what type of body we have, they still always make us feel unsatisfied. We will never satisfy the idea of beauty and this is the reason why the pain is endless. From our past to present, the pain has only evolved; but still, pain for beauty is still pain.  

Blogpost 7: Pain Caused By Idols

All of us, even if we don't say it out loud have a problem with our bodies. We are never content even if others already compliment us or want our bodies. This doesn't just happen with females mind you; it also happens to males. It is normal for us to never be content because we strive for perfection. Perfection because it is insatiable and impossible. For women, every day becomes a struggle. We tend to see every imperfection we have once we wake up and see ourselves in the mirror. "I can see my pores" , "I got a pimple", "my thighs are too big", "my stomach looks bloated" and many others. We are more self conscious about our image than we would admit and it is because of the media and the celebrities we idolize. We start to dislike our image because we see them as "perfect" beings. 
In an article by Shaun Dreisbach, Shocking Body-Image News: 97% of Women Will Be Cruel to Their Bodies Today, he states that on average, women think of about 13 negative things to say about their body. And the reason is, Kearney Cooke, a psychologist says that it is because of "Our unattainable cultural beauty ideals, our celebrity worship..." If we stopped naturally comparing ourselves to others, then we would stop hating on ourselves. We hate because of all the negative thoughts we persuade ourselves with. 
If we stopped complaining and actually did something to help then wouldn't that be better? We could eat healthier, we could exercise or just love ourselves for the way we are. Fact is, we alone are the one ones taking care of our body. So if we don't like the way we are, then we should do something about it. 
In the article People Who Exercise on Work Days are Happier, Suffer Less Stress and Are More Productive, a daily mail reported stated that exercising not only has a good effect on our muscles and body itself; it is also good for performance with daily activities. Exercising results in the production of endorphins which reduces our perception of pain. It makes us more relaxed, more happy and feel much better in general. In the article, it mentioned that people felt more productive at work after exercising and even felt more motivated. So exercising not only makes us look better physically, it also helps us to feel better internally and mentally. 

Yes, we are conscious about our body image and one positive way to fix this is through healthful exercise. It is evident that having self discipline for exercise is difficult, however; we can train ourselves. 
Nobody ever said anything in life will be easy, especially not trying to achieve beauty. Beauty will always be complement pain even if we don't realize it. I mean exercising alone is painful isn't it? We become sore to the point where we can even get up from bed or even walk up the stairs properly because we over did it with our squatting. It is painful but it is a great type of pain. It is also a more positive approach to achieving the "ideal" beauty that we all perceive. However, different people come with different methods. A dangerous, painful and a not suggested method on the other hand to achieve beauty is through anorexia and bulimia. 

Blogpost 6: Pain for the Hour Glass

What is home? Home is where a female can comfortably take off her bra. Do you ever complain about bras being painful? The underwire is stabbing you, it becomes itchy and irritating? Well, I'm sure most females have experienced this. Isn't it funny how at the end of the day, we feel so relieved and relaxed once we take off our bras? It's one of those things that we really look forward to. I always wondered what the point of bras were, other than to make boobs look more perky. I have heard discussions like if one doesn't wear a bra, her boobs will sag or she will get breast cancer. So what is it really? Is it necessary?
I have related this to the past; bras to corsets. In the article by Ken L. Smith, The Purpose of the Bra; he stated that bras actually serve no benefit. It actually has more cons than pros. He stated that it is actually possible that bras can increase the chances of breast cancer because it results in swelling and pain. Just like corsets as compared to bras in this article, Ken mentioned that corsets were popular in the 19th century to create an "hourglass figure", to make the waist look as small as possible. This corset was actually harming the women because it would be so tight that it would restrict and contort their bodies. 

Like bras, it is not necessary; it merely projects a more sexual appearance for women. For a little while, bras serve as a basket to hold breasts to make them sexually stimulating for the opposite sex. Notice, we tend to wear plunging neck lines to show our chest area and with this, we wear bras that are padded or those that "push up". 
But why harm ourselves? 
If only we can mold our bodies to be exactly the way we want it to be, right?
A short clip made at the Australian Film Television and Radio School called "Plastic" is about a girl who is about to go on a date. Suddenly, everything goes wrong until she figures out that she can mold her body to any way she wanted; just like plastic. In this film, we see how excited she is when she realizes this. She tightens her butt, elongates her neck, pushes her boobs up and does anything she feels would make her look more appealing. Again, she did this for the opposite sex. A guy she's had a crush on for years. Like any other girl, she molded her body into the "ideal" body; the hourglass. But why is this the image in our minds when we think of the perfect female body? 

We are influenced mostly by what people believe is attractive. We try to achieve those things that celebrities and the media wants us to have. This pressures us to try to perfect our appearance even if it is impossible. Surely everyone knows that it is painful and disappointing to be able to not achieve something you strive for. Beauty like success is hard to obtain and this pains us naturally. 

Blogpost 5: "Lotus Feet" vs. "Stilettos"

Most of the weekdays, I wear heels; however, I always carry a second pair of shoes. I carry flat shoes because they are more convenient and are more comfortable. I went home one night and felt so relieved to take my heels. Then I asked my brother, "What's the point of heels anyway, cause they hurt". What is the purpose for all this pain? I wondered. Females are born into the idea that we have to wear these because it is necessary. But is it really? Or is it only for the purpose of being accepted into the society that we live in. Once we hit a certain age we are forced into wearing heels because it makes us look more like ladies. I mean, my mom was even the first one to buy me these things. This modern pain has actually evolved from the past. Foot binding reminded me of heels . In the article 'Snow Flower': Foot Binding, High Heels And The Cost Of Beauty, they also came to a realization that Heels and Foot binding are somewhat related. Foot binding, also known as "Lotus Feet" was a practice in China usually for younger girls wherein they would tie and break the bones in their feet to have it fit in a tiny shoe. This for girls became a symbol for elegance and beauty. 

Can't we relate this to heels? It said in the article that the purpose of heels is to symbolize sexiness and power. Valerie Steele, a director of the museum at FIT stated that stilettos flatter a woman's figure because it elongates her body, tightens her stomach, pushes her chest forward and her behind back. All these reasons are still for beauty. Yes, these are the benefits of wearing heels. But like foot binding, it also has it's cons.

The cons of heels are that they are difficult to walk in, they actually cause back problems and also cause foot problems like bunions or hammertoes as Liz Bruckner wrote in her article High heels and your health. Without even realizing it, we are slowly weakening our bodies with these 4-inch heels. Our posture when we wear them gives extra pressure on our knees and joints which might cause osteoarthritis. It can cause a change in alignment in our spine and hips because of the way we have to walk. 

I always noticed that after wearing heels, I feel as if I just finished going to the gym and my whole body is sore. But even if it is painful, I still wear it anyway. It is very interesting to me that we would inflict pain on ourselves just to obtain a provocative and sensual look. I mean we probably say "It's not for guys", but in reality; it is. There is no other reason for heels, just like make-up it is to help us portray a confident and strong woman. But still, this is temporary and it is to attract the opposite sex.
So is it worth it? that for this attraction, we have to put ourselves in pain every single day?

Blogpost 4: History of "Make-Up"

Women now are so lucky to be in the age wherein everything has to be checked, tested and improved by chemists and dermatologists. Makeup now is usually for the benefit of our skin. They are used for sun protection, a flawless complexion, concealing of blemishes and overall helps with anti-aging. We all use make-up to try to look younger and more beautiful because we believe that there will always be room for improvement. But what are the cons of makeup? Many believe that makeup will clog your pores and will result in breakout of the skin. Another is that makeup will cause oily skin and or skin irritations. Regardless of the cons today, the cons of the past is worst. Women in the past had to suffer with physical pains of "make-up" just to try to be beautiful. 

In the article Suffering for beauty has ancient roots, it was stated that the birthplace of makeup was in Ancient Egypt. The Ancient Egyptian's makeup consisted of toxic elements such as lead, copper and manganese that can be very harmful not only to their skin, but their health as well. On the other hand, Ancient Romans were the first to embrace the idea of makeup. They tried to achieve the white complexion as a sign of wealth and status. For this, they would use white lead paint for the "dead white" look.

Similar to the Ancient Romans, women in the 15th, 16th and 17th century also tried to achieve the pale complexion. The makeup they had included toxic elements such as mercury, arsenic and lead which a curator at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising Museum in Los Angeles said: “People would put whitening on their skin and over time, it would eat the skin away, causing all sorts of scarring". 

Even if our makeup today isn't as harmful as the past, doesn't mean we still wouldn't harm ourselves to achieve beauty. Skin whitening is very popular in the Philippines because similar to Ancient Rome, Filipinos have the idea that possessing the light skin is beautiful. Not all whitening is painful; however, one that interested me was the injection of gluthathione. First off, gluthathione is a substance consisting of three amino acids: glycine, glutamic acid and cysteine which slows down the production of melanin in our body and results in whiter skin.
When we first think of injection, we all know that it is to force a fluid into a passage. Well, doesn't that sound painful? 
In the article by Kelly Misa, Gluthathione injections-- are they good and safe for you?; it stated that it actually has a good benefit to our body even if it may sound a little extreme. However, she did suggest in being careful with where you buy it or have your treatment. Yes it may seem painful but at least, the pain might be worth it to improve your immune system and complexion as well. 

The only question left is how far women are actually willing to go just for beauty. Not necessarily only in the means of make up but with their bodies as well. We can already see that women were willing to harm themselves just to achieve a desired facial value but what about their body itself? Women still believe that there is a perfect body type and begin to harm themselves even more for this. 

Blogpost 3: "Make up one's self"

Make up has become a part of my daily routine. I wear it pretty much every time I go out even if I find it time consuming and sometimes even tiring. So why do I wear make up? Other than trying to protect my skin with all the spf my make-up has, I feel better about myself. I feel more ready and more confident to tackle the every day challenges I face because sometimes I feel like I'm not even me. I feel as if I have a sort of barrier protecting me from mistakes I might make. Of course my imperfections make me feel insecure. But why? Even when we all know that being imperfect makes us perfectly human. 

Why do females feel the need to wear make up?
I read in this article by Catherine Saint Louis: Up the Career Ladder, Lipstick In Hand, that when women wear make up, people tend to see them to be more competent with their work. People begin to judge and determine a woman's ability and job performance based on her attractiveness. It seems funny because we usually would think that an attractive woman isn't that bright because of a stereotype; however, because of the effects of make-up, women become or give out the impression that they are more confident. Of course, being a woman, I would take advantage of the effects of make-up because it benefits me more than it doesn't. I mean who wouldn't want to look attractive and at the same time confident even if it's just an effect of a temporary mask. Surely even for a little while, we would all like to have these traits to give us an advantage in work or just our everyday life.

Confidence as a result of all the make-up is short lived because we all know that at the end of the day, we still take off this masks.  
Even if it is already evident that we have to spend so much money, so much time and even so much energy for this artificial confidence, why do we do it? Funny thing about being accepted by the opposite sex is their specifications to identify that we are different. 
In the article Why Cosmetics Work: More Depth To Facial Differences Between Men And Women Than Presumed, a psychology professor, Richard Russell stated that: "We also use the amount of contrast in a face to judge how masculine or feminine the face is, which is related to how attractive we think it is." We use make-up because red lips, rosy cheeks and darker eyes appeal to 
males to show that we are feminine. It said in the article that these display that a female is already in ovulation period which means she is ready to reproduce.

Here we see how primitive we humans really are even if we have already evolved. It's interesting to know now that our make-up actually has a purpose other than to give us an artificial confidence; it also helps us find mates. I find it unfair however that women usually have to experience and go through pain just to attract mates. Pain as in emotionally, physically and figuratively because with this, it is painful for our pockets to spend so much money on makeup. What's worse than this though is the physical pain that we women voluntarily put ourselves in everyday. We allow this pain because we don't even notice it, we are merely trying to be accepted into society that searches for a certain type of beauty. 

Blogpost 2: Is love blind?

Is love really blind or is it vital for physical attraction to still be present for long term loves? 
The question still remains. Everytime I see couples who have been married for years, I always wonder how and what their secrets are. Do they still get attracted to each other they way they did in the beginning? Do they keep their love lives spicy? Or do they just not care that much anymore and are only together for the sake of being together? 

We all know that being physically attracted to our partner is important. With this, we always tend to look our best; we dress up, wear make up, fix our hair, and even push ourselves to hit the gym. Of course, as time passes, we can't help but to become complacent. We get too comfortable that we start to not care about how we look anymore and we expect them to love us either way. We expect them to love the fact that we're comfortable enough to just wear a t-shirt and sweatpants, wear a bare face without any make-up, or even being fully content with our body without wanting to improve it anymore. 

In an article by Dr. Vivian Diller, Is Love Really Blind? A New Survey Provides Answers, she listed sets of surveys for males and females to judge whether physical attraction towards their partners still mattered. From the article, it said that 78% of males and females still cared about this physical attraction. Why attraction? Attraction is the magnetic charm that lures us to our partners. Yes, it is essential for a long term relationship because it is what keeps the chemistry going. Obviously if partners were still attracted to each other and are satisfied with each other's appearance, they would be more than confident about their relationship together. We can relate this to marriage and divorce. In Divorce Causes: 5 Marriage Mistakes That Lead to Divorce  by Kim Olver, she states that the main reason is cheating. Cheating because many people are unsatisfied with their partners and turn to infidelity. If they are unsatisfied, they begin to fantasize about other partners and actually risk their relationship. If you were in this position and realized that your partner was no longer attracted to you, wouldn't you instinctively hit the gym, dress better, wear make-up again just to save your relationship?

With this information, we now see how important physical attraction is even if it may seem overly superficial. It is normal;however because evolution plays a huge role in what we as individuals are attracted to. As superficial as it sounds, as a girl, I'm attracted to muscles and height because from the earliest stages of civilization, these males are those who are superior. A great thing about superiority for males is it comes with privileges. Privileges like being picky about choosing mates. 

How exactly do they choose mates? It is evident to us that they will choose those who display beauty, fertility and youth. Choosing the right female's genes is actually the most important to the male's reproduction strategies. 

Still, we are chosen based on the appearance we display. Our physical appearance may seem as if it is only on the surface; however, it actually shows our body's physical fitness. It can reveal our age and abilities to reproduce. Again, this is why we give all this importance to beauty, and we try to hide all imperfections. We hide behind masks that conceal and disguise who we might really be. Masks we now call make-up.

Blogpost 1: What dictates love?

What do we first look for in a mate? As a girl, I first look at his style and the way he brings himself. I look at his clothes, shoes... Then to more personal things like his eyes, smile, height and build. It seems shallow but actually it is normal for us to look at these things if we're looking for possible mates. We first look at their status through material things and then their exterior genes because of our desires and needs. After this attraction is made, the next step is trying to build a connection. From these steps however, the most difficult is trying to retain both the attraction and the connection.  

In this article by Dr. David S. Kantra, Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love clearly states that love has 3 components that must be satisfied to fully attain the lasting love. The 3 components are: intimacy, passion and commitment. These 3 can be mixed up into different combinations which have certain results on the type of love it creates. The combinations are: Nonlove, Liking, Infatuation, Empty Love, Romantic Love, Compassionate Love, Fatuous Love and Consummate Love. 

The first of the parts mentioned is Liking; the plain intimacy which is the desire or need for another. Just like friendship, it requires the trust and closeness to be fulfilled. Another is the Infatuation or the passion; intense as it is, it is still only short lived; a temporary intense feeling of being carried away by the sexual desires. Empty love on the other hand is the death of intimacy and passion, much more common in older relationships because they have a tendency to "fall out of love" but still, they stay together. 

Others have related their ideas to Sternberg's theory and according to the article that Kendra Cherry wrote in Compassion and Passionate Love, compassion is similar to intimacy which is the need for a type of friendship with trust, closeness and a liking. On the other hand, passion; just like Sternberg's theory, it is the sexual desires towards a person. She also mentions that there are factors that influence these; Timing, Early Attachment Styles and Similarity. I would like to give importance to the factor of similarity because it is the main cause for lusting love or the beginning of every love. The similarity is the attraction to good looking people or people that we might think mirrors us. Most loves, I noticed have similarities in that they always tend to begin and focus on intimacy and passion. However, in the article it stated: 

"Passionate love may quick to fade, but compassionate love endures". 

If you notice, without combinations, even if attraction and intimacy are there, it still seems as if there is something missing. They are without the complexity love actually needs. On the other hand, the next 3 are the start of the combinations which gives a more specific definition of a certain type of love.

One of these is called the Romantic Love. This is made by intimacy and passion, the romantic love has a potential to become the most enduring love if it continued on and is able to build the commitment it needs. Another is

Fatuous Love. This love includes no intimacy and relies only on passion and commitment. This is common with relationships who only look for "nice" people even without their desires for one another. They only push for a relationship because they want to be in love. Usually happens if both couples are still new to love, naive and are not sure of what they really want in a person. Last of the combinations of two is the Companionate Love. This lacks passion but is similar to romantic love in the case that it has the capability to become long lasting. However, this is more of a friendship love commitment, and it might seem as if the people in these types of relationships are just afraid of being alone. But above all this, The ideal love or Consummate Love is rarest of all and is the most enduring and the most perfect. Sternberg presents this to have all 3 components of the theory.  This includes the intimacy, passion and commitment that all couples try to achieve.

Many people, usually the more experienced already have a definite idea of what love is and how it should be. I read a quote by Sylvester Stallone, 

"I learned the real meaning of love.  Love is absolute loyalty.  People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades.  You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them.  And that’s love, even if it doesn’t seem very exciting." 

From this, I understand that our appearance of course changes as we grow older. We won't be as beautiful or as handsome after our prime years but the values and morals we have as individuals will still always be there. It also changes, but it improves because as we grow older, we grow wiser.

We should keep this in mind; the way to have an ever lasting love with someone is having commitment. Not only pure commitment but also realizing that looks fade and to be able to accept that that is inevitable. 

Even if we have already accepted that looks fade, it still does not change the fact that the first step of love will still always be the desire and lust. It is already evident to us that we first have to attract a mate before the steps of love even begin. This is exactly the reason why we, especially women give such significance to being beautiful. Beauty with no exact definition, we rely merely on the quote "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". We try to attract those we want and those who might want us.